Category: Novels

  • THE BALLAD OF SEVEN BASTARDS

    THE BALLAD OF SEVEN BASTARDS

    Copper Creek appears to be little more than an unassuming mining community, but the reality is far more sinister. Elder Munroe controls the town, and intends to transform it into his version of the New Jerusalem. However, the elder and his inner circle share a dark secret, creating a fragile bond forged in adversity.

    When Elijah Black arrives, seeking work, a moment of misjudgment threatens to send the town, and those who run it, into a spiral of destruction. As suspicion and mistrust bubble to the surface, old relationships are discarded. Those involved quickly turn against each other, and the battle for personal gain becomes all-consuming.

    The Ballad of Seven Bastards is a brutal tale of manipulation, greed, and violent retribution.

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  • FUCKED-UP BEDTIME STORIES

    FUCKED-UP BEDTIME STORIES

    When Jimmy the Chimp persuades Arnold to kill his father, it all seems to make sense. Daddy is a bully, and if he were to die, life could only be better. However, Jimmy is actually a Satanic Majesty, and once he exerts his influence over Arnold, things quickly spiral into a clusterfuck of chaos.

    Written during invasive cancer treatment, and while under the influence of increasing doses of codeine and morphine, Peter Caffrey takes Fucked-up Bedtime Stories to places where others fear to tread. It is macabre, gross, twisted and darkly hilarious.

    A FEW COMMENTS FROM GOODREADS…

    “Well written, gross, vile, depraved and original.”

    “The humor is outrageous and laugh out loud, and mixes well with the violence that will make a veteran extreme horror reader cringe.”

    “Shocking, disturbing, gross, horrible, vile … but absolutely brilliant!”

    “I can’t believe Peter Caffrey took things this far!”

    “Arnold and Jimmy have a place in my head forever, and I do not want this to ever end!”

    “This is one of my all-time favorite series, and they just keep getting better and better.”

    “Too depraved and gross! Don’t let your kids go anywhere near this bedtime story.”

    “Haven’t laughed so much since my mother-in-law fell down the stairs and broke her leg.”

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  • NONCE!

    NONCE!

    nonce (noun, slang)
    a person who commits a crime involving sex, especially sex with a child.

    Nestled between the purple haze-infused sexual revolution of the late 1960s and early 1970s, and the anarchic chaos of punk rock, something strange happened in the world of rock music. Glam Rock fused high camp theatricals with driven anthems and fist-pumping tunes. Appealing to the young and impressionable, the movement even dragged in many of contemporary music’s more relevant names.

    However, the sins of the period are also well documented, with Gary Glitter and DJ Jimmy Saville being publicly exposed some years later. One name which doesn’t get mentioned as often is Danny Dazzler.

    Dazzler’s flame of fame arguably burned brightest in his own mind, but after a short-lived moment in the spotlight, his fall from grace was so odious the music industry and mass media conspired to starve him of the thing he craved most: publicity.

    Now, for the first time ever, and more than forty years after he first crawled into the public’s psyche, his story will be told.

    Nonce! is a no-holds-barred exposé of Glam Rock’s nastiest specimen.

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  • HEE HAW

    HEE HAW

    Hee Haw is a dark, psychological horror, in which nothing is quite what it seems.

    When Colin, a middle-aged fantasist and loner who lives with his parents, snatches a girl he finds in the woods, things quickly start to unravel. While his intention is to act out his most depraved fantasies, something about the girl unnerves him. Who is the mysterious Alice, and why does she make him feel so uneasy?

    As he learns more about her, he finds himself thrust ever deeper into a world of darkness and duplicity. What is real, and why is he, the abuser, feeling so vulnerable?

    “Blending physical and emotional exploitations with a knockout ending is why this book will remain with you for a long, long time.”

    Horror Bookworm Reviews

    “Once again, this is another great read, from the twisted mind of Peter Caffrey. There are many triggers, such as child abduction, violence, profanity, blood, gore, and murder, and I loved it.”

    Leeanne Wright: Goodreads

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  • THE GOD OF WANKING

    THE GOD OF WANKING

    After accidentally reviving a dormant demon, Diego is offered the deal of a lifetime. He can have his way with any woman he wishes, fulfilling his carnal desires. All he has to do in return is provide a regular supply of sperm. Like most schoolboys, he’s in the habit of regularly wanking, so he figures he has nothing to lose by agreeing to the pact.

    Once the demon takes control, he manipulates the situation, leaving Diego trapped in a waking (or even wanking) nightmare. The daily duty becomes a millstone, dragging him down into an abyss of masturbatory misery.

    Why does the demon want his semen, and has it anything to do with the numerous elderly women who are falling pregnant and giving birth to devil babies with unfeasibly large cocks? With the clergy and their militia hunting down the source of the impregnations, Diego finds himself a victim of the chaos.

    As his world crumbles around him, his only hope is to free himself from the pact.

    ‘Diego’s sinful habit sends him on a bizzaro adventure involving well endowed demonic babies, pregnant pensioners, even more wanking and a corn effigy that can’t get enough jizz. If Caffrey doesn’t ascend to bizzaro/horror cult status I’m giving up wanking for good.’
    Simon McHardy – author of Mother Maggot

    ‘An excellently-paced, splatteriffic encounter with an trickster god, full of sodomy, corncob cocks, and evil bastards. My favorite Godless.com title to date.’
    Regina Watts – author of Bloom & Dark

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  • DOG FOOD

    DOG FOOD

    When David Miller returns home from his family holiday, what appears to be a routine security check at the airport very quickly spirals out of control and takes on a darkness he cannot fathom.

    When the bald man gets involved, the mental torture increases, and without any relief from the constantly increasing horrors, David’s grip on reality begins to crumble.

    His only hope is that someone, somewhere, will step in and stop the abhorrent torments bleak miseries he’s being forced to endure. But is he clutching at straws?

    Dog Food is the frightening tale of one man’s descent into the abyss…

    ‘Funny, frightening, surreal and speckled with grossness…’
    Sean Hawker, Author of The Captive Dwarf

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  • THE DEVIL’S HAIRBALL

    THE DEVIL’S HAIRBALL

    When Victor Holycross commits an act of heinous sacrilege at the Festival of the Blessed Virgin, he unwittingly instigates a curse which transforms his wife and daughter into the Devil’s hairballs. To seek absolution for his sin and to lift the hairy plague from his family, a penance is given: the recovery of stolen religious relics. Under pressure from a less-than-Godly Cardinal and his malicious henchman, Victor has little choice but to accept his fate.

    With a time frame of 40 days and 40 nights and a decrepit bicycle as his sole form of transport, he finds himself helped (and more often than not hindered) by a one-legged whore, a talking dog with strange sexual proclivities and an attack-nun.

    As Victor is thrust into a maelstrom of demonic confrontations, unholy alliances and duplicitous relationships, he soon discovers that the world is a far darker place than he ever anticipated.

    “If Dante’s Inferno, The Wizard of Oz, and Monty Python’s Life of Brian had a sacrilegious threesome it may look quite a bit like The Devil’s Hairball. It’s wonderfully absurd, a bit whimsical, and completely bizarre.”
    Biblioculus.com

    “One of the most bizarre story ideas I have come across in recent years.”
    Jim Mcleod – Gingernuts of Horror

    “Improper. That’s how to sum up Peter Caffrey’s raucous horror/comedy The Devil’s Hairball … dirty humour drips from every page.”
    Kendall Reviews

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  • CRUST INVESTIGATES

    CRUST INVESTIGATES

    London, the 1880s, a city torn between burgeoning affluence and abject poverty. Fear stalks the streets in the form of Jack the Ripper, the slums are suffering an epidemic of crime and depravity, and the population is a seething mass of undesirables and ne’er-do-wells. London, nay, England, needs a saviour!

    Many in the capital know of the legendary detective, Sherlock Holmes, but not as well known is that further up the staircase from his abode at 221B Baker Street is 221C, home to another notable mind in the world of sleuthery.

    Offensive, obstinate, devious and depraved, Crust brings an unparalleled cynicism to the world of paranormal investigations, aided by the fact he believes in nothing which doesn’t come in a pint bottle. With the true values of a Victorian gentleman, he sets out to do the thing he loves most: making easy money!

    When Crust is on the case, no one is safe!

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  • THE BUTCHER’S OTHER DAUGHTER

    THE BUTCHER’S OTHER DAUGHTER

    Jacques Dupont is a pork butcher in the small town of Sainte-Marie-sur-Ariège. On the surface, he appears to be an unremarkable man, but Jacques has a secret, a previous life he is desperate to ensure remains forgotten.

    When his two worlds collide, the outcome is cataclysmic, throwing his life into a maelstrom of violence and rage which threatens to overwhelm everything he holds dear.

    If you like your splatterpunk laced with a smattering of charcuterie, then Sainte-Marie-sur-Ariège may be the town for you!

    The Butcher’s Other Daughter is a tale of meat, mayhem and murder.

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  • THE CRUCIFICTION OF BASTARD JESUS

    THE CRUCIFICTION OF BASTARD JESUS

    “The book which made the Pope’s sphincter tighten and his testes retract into his body.”

    The story of Easter is well known, but the church is more tight-lipped about the second son of God, one who was created as a back-up plan to the more notorious Jesus Christ. While the birth of the Plan B messiah should have been terminated once the first-choice conception went ahead, an administrative cock-up in heaven resulted in the boy being born in Bethlehem, close to a somewhat more infamous stable.

    The two sons of God lived separate lives. Despite this, in a cruel irony, the second son of God was also crucified on Good Friday, much like his more famous sibling, but in vastly different circumstances.

    Peter Caffrey and Lindsay Crook, who happen to be theological historians as well as writers of filthy tales, join forces to reveal the harrowing story of the man referred to by the Vatican, in its most secret records, as Bastard Jesus.

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