Tag: Absurd

  • MONDO PERVERSO: PULPAGEDDON

    MONDO PERVERSO: PULPAGEDDON

    PULP FICTION THE WAY PULP FICTION SHOULD BE!

    Six stories with a gritty, pulp attitude!

    DEATH CULT CUTIES
    Hardboiled Crime
    When dead teenage girls start showing up all over the place, Detective Inspector Savage (who’s a proper lazy bastard) makes certain he doesn’t get the case. His irritable bowel tells him the outcome won’t be good, and he doesn’t want to be tarred with the brush of failure. Thinking the crimes are linked to a far-right faction, he passes the case to DI Derek Pamplemousse, who soon discovers things are more fucked-up than he originally thought.

    MARY BRANNIGAN’S DEVIL BABY
    Dread Horror
    What starts out as a day wagging off school soon becomes the kick-off of a horrifying ordeal for Mary Brannigan. Abandoned by her best friend, she ends up skulking around the churchyard with the local simpleton, but when he shares a reefer with her, the hellish reality of evil narcotics turns her ordinary life upside-down. Can she survive the rigours of an addiction to the ganja, and why is there a baby growing inside of her More importantly, is the baby actually the Devil?

    LASCIVIOUS LILITH, SLAYER OF MIDGETS
    Dark Fantasy
    Lilith is a warrior, respected and valued by her community. Her grudge against the midget hordes is deep-seated in the past, and when a local man goes missing, she is charged with his rescue. However, during the mission, she discovers a dark and fiendish plot hatched by the little people. With the lives of all the normals in the Kingdom at risk, action is necessary, and heads must roll!

    THE FINAL VOYAGE OF CAPTAIN CLUNGE
    Swashbuckling Pirates
    Following the death of Captain Phlegm, Bob Clunge takes control of The Plague Rat and its pirate crew. Fulfilling the dying wish of his old friend, the ship’s new crew includes Phlegm’s son, Felicity. What should be a routine voyage quickly becomes a clusterfuck of chaos, both for Felicity and Captain Clunge! Will either man be the same when the ship finally docks back home?

    PIGCHIMP CARNAGE IN FAT CITY
    Monster Mayhem
    Fat City, the new-build metropolis for the rich and gifted, is a gleaming aspirational location for everything good in the modern world. However, built on the site of an indigenous settlement, it also has an ancient resident: Pigchimp. When the official launch of the city disturbs the beast, things quickly become shittier than a shit sandwich at Shitfest! Can anyone defeat Pigchimp and save the city?

    UGLY TERROR ON SPACE STATION SEX
    Science Fiction
    Following an age of inclusivity and acceptance, Planet Earth has become overrun by ugly people. To create a new world free of freaks, the most beautiful people are selected and sent to Space Station Sex. Their mission is to reproduce while waiting out the termination of all remaining humans, before returning to repopulate the planet once it is free of all imperfections. However, a renegade team of ugly bastards has other ideas!

  • DOG FOOD

    DOG FOOD

    When David Miller returns home from his family holiday, what appears to be a routine security check at the airport very quickly spirals out of control and takes on a darkness he cannot fathom.

    When the bald man gets involved, the mental torture increases, and without any relief from the constantly increasing horrors, David’s grip on reality begins to crumble.

    His only hope is that someone, somewhere, will step in and stop the abhorrent torments bleak miseries he’s being forced to endure. But is he clutching at straws?

    Dog Food is the frightening tale of one man’s descent into the abyss…

    ‘Funny, frightening, surreal and speckled with grossness…’
    Sean Hawker, Author of The Captive Dwarf

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  • CRUST INVESTIGATES

    CRUST INVESTIGATES

    London, the 1880s, a city torn between burgeoning affluence and abject poverty. Fear stalks the streets in the form of Jack the Ripper, the slums are suffering an epidemic of crime and depravity, and the population is a seething mass of undesirables and ne’er-do-wells. London, nay, England, needs a saviour!

    Many in the capital know of the legendary detective, Sherlock Holmes, but not as well known is that further up the staircase from his abode at 221B Baker Street is 221C, home to another notable mind in the world of sleuthery.

    Offensive, obstinate, devious and depraved, Crust brings an unparalleled cynicism to the world of paranormal investigations, aided by the fact he believes in nothing which doesn’t come in a pint bottle. With the true values of a Victorian gentleman, he sets out to do the thing he loves most: making easy money!

    When Crust is on the case, no one is safe!

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  • COCK-A-VOODOO-DOO AND OTHER TWISTED LOVE STORIES

    COCK-A-VOODOO-DOO AND OTHER TWISTED LOVE STORIES

    Cock-A-Voodoo-Doo and Other Twisted Love Stories is a collection of three novelettes: Cock-A-Voodoo-Doo, Dolls’ House Diabolic, and The Perils of Dating Celine.

    Cock-A-Voodoo-Doo

    Based on a true story which took place during 1970, in an Irish Catholic household in North London. Never discussed after the sorry shambles unfolded, and only referred to by the family involved as ‘the Christmas incident’, the events of that time had a profound impact on a young and innocent boy whose interests were previously limited to football, fishing and building box carts out of spare planks and pram wheels!

    Now, Peter Caffrey lifts the lid on his own personal Pandora’s box and tells the full story of Marlene, Pastor Reginald, and the ungodly incidents which warped his young and innocent mind.

    No names have been changed, because there are no innocent parties.

    The story includes an in-depth Author’s Note to help set the scene for the children of the modern age, who believe the world has always been filled with shoe shops, on-demand streaming content, and gluten-free muffins.

    Dolls’ House Diabolic

    Dave loved Susan. He really loved Susan. Nothing made him happier than when she agreed to marry him. As he set off to Bangkok on his stag party, he promised her one thing: he’d avoid the go-go bars. However, when the other stags insisted on visiting a pussy show, Dave ended up being dragged to the Dolls’ House.

    Dolls’ House Diabolic is the story of one man’s battle with the biggest demons: his own guilt and shame. Will Dave and Susan live happily ever after, or will one random act of fate forever condemn their future?

    The Perils of Dating Celine

    After watching a TV Chef’s hour-long special on all things pasta, the urge to purchase a pasta machine becomes all encompassing for Terry. After tracking down a second-hand one on-line, he makes the purchase, and when the machine arrives it includes a note from the mysterious Celine.

    There’s something about her note which he finds intriguing, and after fantasising about contacting her, he bites the bullet and makes the call. When they finally meet, all he knows about Celine is that she loves pasta, and she has a mysterious disfigurement.

    The Perils of Dating Celine is a modern-day love story; a glimpse into what could happen if people put aside concerns about random interactions with strangers, and simply followed their hearts.

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  • UNFIT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION

    UNFIT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION

    Unfit for Human Consumption is a 12-story collection which serves as a tasting menu for Peter Caffrey’s twisted world. An insight into his Mondo Perverso, many of the stories are new and previously unpublished, while some are from less well-read periodicals or anthologies.

    The tales cover a wide gamut of styles and content, and include the strange and demented, the darkest of dark humour, and a dose of utterly unhinged absurdity!

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  • LIKE A TRAMP YELLING AT TRAINS

    LIKE A TRAMP YELLING AT TRAINS

    When I was a boy, there was a tramp who lived in a derelict factory near our house. On the way to school, we’d often see him, standing at the side of the road, staring at the spot where the train tunnel ended and the tracks emerged into the outside world. As the trains thundered from the darkness into the morning light, he’d launch into a tirade of nonsensical babble, shouting curses and abominations.

    I understood him. Not his words, not his shouts and curses, but his purpose. I too shared a need to expunge the detritus which built up in my head. I required a cathartic expulsion of the madness and chaos which festered in my thoughts.

    This collection is just that: a medley of insane and inane shouts and screams, a collage of verbal ticks, a cornucopia of inky doodlings. Some are random ideas which sneak into my brain, others are heart-felt and personal reflections, and a few are just humorous cul-de-sacs. Some are the germs from which stories or novels have grown, but most went no further than the form in which they are replicated in this dosshouse of words.

    A few of you might find something which amuses, and others won’t. Whichever group you fall into, I want to thank you, because you are my train, thundering out from the darkness of the tunnel, and I’m just a random tramp, screaming abuse at you.

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  • THE CRUCIFICTION OF BASTARD JESUS

    THE CRUCIFICTION OF BASTARD JESUS

    “The book which made the Pope’s sphincter tighten and his testes retract into his body.”

    The story of Easter is well known, but the church is more tight-lipped about the second son of God, one who was created as a back-up plan to the more notorious Jesus Christ. While the birth of the Plan B messiah should have been terminated once the first-choice conception went ahead, an administrative cock-up in heaven resulted in the boy being born in Bethlehem, close to a somewhat more infamous stable.

    The two sons of God lived separate lives. Despite this, in a cruel irony, the second son of God was also crucified on Good Friday, much like his more famous sibling, but in vastly different circumstances.

    Peter Caffrey and Lindsay Crook, who happen to be theological historians as well as writers of filthy tales, join forces to reveal the harrowing story of the man referred to by the Vatican, in its most secret records, as Bastard Jesus.

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