Category: Books

  • Like a Tramp Yelling at Trains

    LIKE A TRAMP YELLING AT TRAINS

    When I was a boy, there was a tramp who lived in a derelict factory near our house. On the way to school, we’d often see him, standing at the side of the road, staring at the spot where the train tunnel ended and the tracks emerged into the outside world. As the trains thundered from the darkness into the morning light, he’d launch into a tirade of nonsensical babble, shouting curses and abominations.

    I understood him. Not his words, not his shouts and curses, but his purpose. I too shared a need to expunge the detritus which built up in my head. I required a cathartic expulsion of the madness and chaos which festered in my thoughts.

    This collection is just that: a medley of insane and inane shouts and screams, a collage of verbal ticks, a cornucopia of inky doodlings. Some are random ideas which sneak into my brain, others are heart-felt and personal reflections, and a few are just humorous cul-de-sacs. Some are the germs from which stories or novels have grown, but most went no further than the form in which they are replicated in this dosshouse of words.

    A few of you might find something which amuses, and others won’t. Whichever group you fall into, I want to thank you, because you are my train, thundering out from the darkness of the tunnel, and I’m just a random tramp, screaming abuse at you.

  • The Devil’s Hairball

    THE DEVIL’S HAIRBALL

    When Victor Holycross commits an act of heinous sacrilege at the Festival of the Blessed Virgin, he unwittingly instigates a curse which transforms his wife and daughter into the Devil’s hairballs. To seek absolution for his sin and to lift the hairy plague from his family, a penance is given: the recovery of stolen religious relics. Under pressure from a less-than-Godly Cardinal and his malicious henchman, Victor has little choice but to accept his fate.

    With a time frame of 40 days and 40 nights and a decrepit bicycle as his sole form of transport, he finds himself helped (and more often than not hindered) by a one-legged whore, a talking dog with strange sexual proclivities and an attack-nun.

    As Victor is thrust into a maelstrom of demonic confrontations, unholy alliances and duplicitous relationships, he soon discovers that the world is a far darker place than he ever anticipated.

    “If Dante’s Inferno, The Wizard of Oz, and Monty Python’s Life of Brian had a sacrilegious threesome it may look quite a bit like The Devil’s Hairball. It’s wonderfully absurd, a bit whimsical, and completely bizarre.”
    Biblioculus.com

    “One of the most bizarre story ideas I have come across in recent years.”
    Jim Mcleod – Gingernuts of Horror

    “Improper. That’s how to sum up Peter Caffrey’s raucous horror/comedy The Devil’s Hairball … dirty humour drips from every page.”
    Kendall Reviews

  • The Butcher’s Other Daughter

    THE BUTCHER’S OTHER DAUGHTER

    Jacques Dupont is a pork butcher in the small town of Sainte-Marie-sur-Ariège. On the surface, he appears to be an unremarkable man, but Jacques has a secret, a previous life he is desperate to ensure remains forgotten.

    When his two worlds collide, the outcome is cataclysmic, throwing his life into a maelstrom of violence and rage which threatens to overwhelm everything he holds dear.

    If you like your splatterpunk laced with a smattering of charcuterie, then Sainte-Marie-sur-Ariège may be the town for you!

    The Butcher’s Other Daughter is a tale of meat, mayhem and murder.

  • Whores Versus Sex Robots

    WHORES VERSUS SEX ROBOTS

    When the introduction of brothels manned by AI-powered sex robots threaten the profitability of the world’s oldest profession, the street girls decide it’s time to fight for their future and bring the punters back where they belong: between their legs.

    Hatching a drastic plan to ensure the Johns turn against erotic automatons, the whores take on the brave new world and inadvertently unleash a battle for survival as technology’s finest refuse to take the challenge lying down.

    Whores versus Sex Robots is a seedy, science fiction, splatterpunk, tongue-in-cheek novella. The book also includes a selection of other stories addressing the rise of the sex robots.

    WARNING: Despite the title, this book is NOT erotica, and is totally unsuitable for masturbatory purposes – unless, of course, you like to knock yourself out while reading about the violence and pain of modern society, the frailty of the human condition, the abandonment of hope, the depths of selfishness to which mankind can (and often will) sink, and some other shit which is a bit funny (if you have a twisted mind). If that’s the case, then buy this book and wank yourself silly. Otherwise, please do not interfere with your sexual apparatus while reading these stories.