What the Fuck is the Mystery Book?

REALLY, YOU’RE GOING TO WANT THIS!

So, what is the Mystery Book? Well, it’s a fucking mystery … for now!

The book will be officially announced on January 1, 2025, and will go on sale on March 29, 2025, at the Canterbury Book Con, organised by the Indie Horror Chapter. All profits will go to the Lingen Davies Cancer Trust, which is the Trust which funded the oncology unit where I was treated. It has a personal connection for me, as those selfless fuckers saved my life.

So, what’s the book? Well, it has a connection to the location, but that’s all I’m ready to reveal right now. Oh, and it’ll be offensive and puerile in equal measure. So why set up a waiting list for copies now? Because it’s limited, and when I say limited, I do mean limited. There will be 69 paperback copies printed (told you it would be puerile), and that’s it. There will never be any reprints. There will never be any alternative printed versions. This is it: 69 paperbacks printed, 69 paperbacks sold, end of fucking subject.

Well make that 68, because yes, I’ll be buying my own library copy. That’s right. Even I won’t get a free copy. There’ll be no freebies for friends or family (I love you all but it’s for charity), no ARC copies (I love my ARC readers, but not this time), even my oncologist can fuck off unless he pays. There will only ever be 69 copies, and if you don’t buy one, you won’t get one!

How Fucking Much?

I bet you’re thinking, ‘a limited edition book is going to cost me the fucking earth’, but it won’t, because I’m not a cunt. It’ll cost you a minimum of £6.00 at the Canterbury event. Yes, a minimum! It’s not a fucking auction, nor will those on a tight budget be demonised. £6.00 will get you a copy, but you can pay more, and I’ll be happy – along with the other poor bastards being treated at a Lingen Davies funded oncology centre – if you pay more. All 67 copies will be available on the day.

Hang the fuck on: what do you mean, 67 copies? Well, I did explain I have to buy my own copy, and obviously I’m at the front of the queue! Yes, you think, but that leaves 68 copies, doesn’t it? It does, but copy 69 of 69 has something special waiting for it. On January 1, you’ll find out what!

But I’m Not Going to Canterbury

Hence the reason for the waiting list! Anyone who can’t make it to Canterbury can register on the waiting list for copies of the Mystery Book! It’s strictly first come, first served. If you register and there are copies left, you will be emailed with an offer. The price will still be £6.00 minimum (currency fluctuations prevent me from mentioning international prices, but they will be equivalent at the time of sale) plus full postage. If your circumstances have changed and you don’t wish to buy a copy, then simply decline the offer. There’s no cost for going on the waiting list, no obligation to buy, and no need to pay anything. I just need a name, email and location.

Anything Else?

Oh yes! In early 2025 I’ll be doing a podcast related to the Mystery Book along with some big hitters from the Horror community (obviously I’m not a big hitter, but I’ll join in because I can). We’ll be talking cancer like you’ve never heard cancer talked before. It will be enlightening, supportive, and – hopefully – a bit funny!

What Do I Need to Do?

Put your name on the fucking waiting list!