Yes, that’s right, you can play a simple game and win any book of mine, signed and delivered free-of-charge. (Note: This does not include The Cunterbury Tales, as every penny from that goes to charity and I’m not giving away a single copy; I even paid for my own, as did Mrs C). Not only will you get a free book, but you will also be guaranteed an offer to buy a copy of the limited edition paperback, The Cunterbury Tales, regardless of whether you are at the Canterbury Horror Tales Book Con or not.
WHAT’S THE GAME?
The game is Cunt and Fuck!
As some of you will be aware, I’ve written a book specially for the Canterbury Horror Tales event, which is taking place on 29 March. Based on Chaucer’s work, The Cunterbury Tales is made up of 24 pieces (two prose and the remainder in octosyllabic rhyming couplets), and follows some of the world’s worst pilgrims on their journey to venerate the withered spleen of Saint Augustine.
It’s a limited edition. There will only be 69 copies of this paperback, and each one will be numbered and signed (and no doubt violated with a crude drawing). There will never be any reprints. There will never be any alternative printed versions. This is it: 69 paperbacks printed, 69 paperbacks sold, end of fucking subject.
The book will be available at the Canterbury Book Con and will be priced at a minimum of £8.00 (US$10.00). Why a minimum? Because you can pay more if you like. I really hope you do, because every single penny of profit goes to the Lingen Davies Cancer Fund, which is the charity that funds the oncology centre where I had my treatment. It’s also the oncology centre which is currently treating Mrs Caffrey, so that’s another reason I’m driving this hard.
So, what’s the game? Simple! The book comes in at 156 pages with 24 pieces. All you have to do is guess how many times the words “Cunt” and “Fuck” appear in the book. For clarity, I’m only talking about the words appearing in the pieces themselves, not in any other matter or as running headers or anything like that. Also, variations (fucking, fuckwad, fuckery, Cunterbury, cuntface, etc.) will count towards the total!
HOW DO I PLAY CUNT AND FUCK?
It’s easy! Simply visit the Just Giving page set up the Indie Horror Chapter for the event charity, and make a donation. You can have a guess for every £2/$2 donated, so if you donate £10, you get five guesses! Then simply complete the form below with your answer. There is space for up to five entries. Please, only use the number of guesses pertinent to your donation. If there aren’t enough, you’ll have to fill in the form twice. Sorry, but it’s for charity so paying for a dynamic form set-up just takes money out of the total!
If you think the book contains one use of the C-Word and two uses of the F-Word, simply put 1 in the box marked C, and 2 in the box marked F. If you think I’ve been really puerile, you might go for a higher number. You get the drift! Also, please make sure you fill in the box about your donation to give me a clue as to who is who (important if you use a different name).
What do you win? Well, apart from being the Official Champion of Cunt and Fuck, as mentioned you can have a signed copy of any of my books, apart from The Cunterbury Tales. However, you will definitely receive an offer to buy a copy, even if your not at the Canterbury show.
So, let’s play Cunt and Fuck, and give cancer a kick in the balls!