Coming Soon – Fucked-Up Bedtime Stories


It started with a stupid idea: writing a series of children’s stories. However, they turned out to be totally unsuitable for children, but that wasn’t really a surprise. The stories will be made available, on a monthly basis, via the Godless platform. They will cost a mere $0.50 each (the first one’s free, like the first joint at the school gates).


Ten year old Arnold has a cuddly friend, Jimmy the Chimp. His toy ape is his companion, his fellow adventurer and his advisor. No one else can hear Jimmy when he talks, and there’s nothing about modern life the chimp doesn’t know. Escaping from the world of Mummy and Daddy, the pair set out to have a series of adventures, aided by the fact Jimmy the Chimp is a Satanic necromancer.

Let their enchanting escapades relax and amuse you as you slip into a slumber filled with the sweetest of sweet dreams.

In Pussy Galore, Arnold begins his transformation from being a little boy to a man, with the help of a can of tuna fish.

In Little Donkey, Arnold lands the prize part of looking after the donkey, and together with Jimmy finds the task more challenging than expected.

In Auntie Social, Arnold and Jimmy have to spend a weekend with their new-age, vegan, yoga-addicted Auntie Doreen.

In Pork Chop, Jimmy tries to find a solution to Arnold’s desire to have a pet dog, without having to look after the animal.

Good night, sleep tight!

#1: Pussy Galore
Due for publication 19 November 2021

#2: Little Donkey
Due for publication 19 December 2021

#3: Auntie Social
Due for publication 19 January 2022

#4: Pork Chop
Due for publication 19 February 2022

More to follow…

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